


Mark Watney's Martians

by Chibifukurou



Category: The Martian - Andy Weir
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 16:04:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5462657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibifukurou/pseuds/Chibifukurou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The conspiracy theories are getting out of hand. I need you to set aside some time for Mark to tell his story. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, but they are claiming that this is all an elaborate scheme to contact the Martians."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mark Watney's Martians

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zynnser](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zynnser/gifts).



"Venkat, we need to work on damage control." Annie announced.

 

"What now, Annie?" Venkat didn't bother looking up from his tablet full of equations for the resupply launch. She put her hand down on the screen to get his attention.

 

"Have you been paying attention to the online coverage of Watney's rescue?"

 

"I've been busy Annie." Seriously, how many different ways could the public freak out about the same thing? Didn't they understand there were more important matters for NASA to concentrate on.

 

"The conspiracy theories are getting out of hand. I need you to set aside some time for Mark to tell his story. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, but they are claiming that this is all an elaborate scheme to contact the Martians."

 

That got Venkat's attention. He stared at her, his mouth hanging open. She had to be joking! Surely a bunch of conspiracy nuts wouldn't necessitate them taking up their already limited communication with Watney. "And why do we have to worry about a bunch of people on the web?"

 

"We don't. On the other hand there are a few senators who seem convinced that Mark is part of some elaborate CIA plot. We do need to worry about them."

 

Venkat groaned. "I'll see what we can do."

 

** LOG ENTRY: SOL 116 **

 

So I got an unexpected distraction from my replanting today. Venkat sent me an email explaining that people back on earth are convinced that I'm some sort of Alien sleeper agent or something. He wants me to write something that assures the nation that I am still loyal to my home planet.

 

Okay, he was probably a little more polite about the whole thing. But really? Brainwashed by aliens is the theory people are going with? I'd have figured they'd be going with something a little more original.

 

** UNOFFICIAL LOG ENTRY: SOL 116 **

 

I have been kidnapped by large green bugs. I will be unable to communicate with you until I have convinced them that I have come in peace.

 

*

 

 

"Venkat!"

 

Venkat used his shirt sleeve to try and clean his glasses. At least it gave him something to do rather than meet Annie's eyes as she stormed down the control center's stairs. This time at least he'd had a chance to brace for Annie's arrival. As soon as he'd seen Mark's unofficial report mission log he'd known it was coming.

 

"When I told you that I needed Mark to write something that would assure the public he wasn't being brainwashed by aliens. I didn't mean for him to claim he'd been kidnapped y aliens."

 

"When has Mark ever done what we expected of him? At least he made it obvious he was joking."

 

Annie shoved a stack of papers into Venkat's hands. They looked like printouts from various websites ranging from conspiracy forums to Fox news. Most of them were talking about arming themselves to fend off the alien threat. "Fix this or I'm going to put you in charge of holding a press conference to explain to the general public that it was an obvious joke."

 

Venkat groaned.

 

** LOG ENTRY: SOL 125 **

 

Now that I have the HAB back together, I'm bored. NASA has been all about the resupply mission. But without my farm and with the supply mission not set to arrive for another for another 350 sols I need to find something besides my standard experiments to take up my time.

 

There is only so much disco and seventies TV a guy can handle before he goes insane. Besides, Venkat said that my 'Being Kidnapped by Martians' email has gone viral.

 

** UNOFFICIAL LOG ENTRY: SOL 125 **

****

NASA has informed me that many of you are worried for my continued well being after my last message regarding being kidnapped by the Martians. I want to assure everyone that the Martians are a friendly and kind race. They were simply concerned that I was actually a lost child. Apparently their children don't grow exoskeletons until their first century. And my squishy body was confusing to them. Thanks to everybody for your concern. But everything is fine here on Mars!

 

*

 

Venkat groaned as soon as he received the day's transmission from Mark. Annie was going to throw him to the wolves.

 

** UNOFFICIAL LOG ENTRY: SOL 195 **

****

Tomorrow the Martians are going to take me to meet the beautiful Princess Vallis who I will be escorting to the location of the Ares Four launch site. She is supposed to be marrying one of the Martian princesses that live in that part of the planet. And the Martians are happy to have me escorting her in my super duper tricked out Rover.

 

Of course that  requires me to finish tricking out said Rover. So back to drilling holes.

 

I'll tell you guys more tomorrow

 

*

 

Venkat stood in front of Teddy's desk. "From what we can tell the Pathfinder gave out. We don't know if there was something going on Mark's end or she just gave out. Either way we don't have a way to talk to him anymore. Ms. Parks is working on getting pictures, it appears that Mark is working on our backup plan to use Morse code to keep us abreast about what is going on."

 

"Thank you, Venkat. Annie and I will handle the press release. Just let us know as soon as you have news."

 

Venkat glanced over to where Annie was sitting by the wall and tried for levity. "At least we won't have to worry about any more Martian stories."

 

Annie sighed. "It’s a little too late for that. The world is obsessed. They are already talking book deals when Mark comes back. Not to mention the memes. We'll be lucky if there aren't riots when they hear that we don't have any more updates for them.

 

Venkat stifled the urge to groan. Why couldn't he ever catch a break?

 

 

** Epilogue: Mission Day 687 **

 

Of all the things I expected to be known for in my life. It wasn't my Martian stories. It is going to be a looooong time before Martinez lets me live this down.

 

So here is for all my die hard fans:

 

There I was preparing to leave Mars in the ARES 4 MAV. The princess had helped me strip down all of the non-essential parts. We sat together in the body of the MAV, watching Phobos pass across the sky.

 

"I will miss you, Mark Watney." Princess Vallis intones. After the years I have spent here,  I have learned to translate her clicks and clacks into speech as I understand it. She has assured me that I am missing some of the nuances, but there is little I can do about that.

 

"I will miss you too, Princess. If only there was a way for you to survive on my planet, but alas it is not to be. We will be star crossed lovers the likes of Buttercup and Weasley."

 

At the time of the launch we shared one last passionate embrace before I climbed aboard the MAV and rocketed towards space. The glittering expanse stretching out before my eyes. It was sad to leave those I had met on Mars behind. But I was finally going home. And I would carry my memories of Mars and Princess Vallis with me forever.

 

Fin

 


End file.
